He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Oh god it's open bar.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
