i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
