oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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