so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Randomize
