I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
