omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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