i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
