On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
