I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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