she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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