I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
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