so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I just found puke in my bra..
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
