Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
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