i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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