and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
