Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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