but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
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