I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
