I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
