Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
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I will probably be peed on at some point today.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
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How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.