She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
