this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
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