dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I have post one night stand depression
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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