Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
