I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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