70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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