I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
handjob tips. give me some.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
