im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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