just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
