You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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