I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Randomize
