I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
