I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Randomize
