Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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