Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
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I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
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Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
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