My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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