He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
