When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
