there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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