when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
did you just send me my own nude
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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