We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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