I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
