im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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