he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
