I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
