you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
This is my gift to your gina
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
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