I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
