Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
