i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
