mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
