I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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