You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
