Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
