How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
