Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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