I'm going to jail i love you
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
