hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
