I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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