At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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