there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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